I am not there.
I am not strong enough to face distant family without the crutch of food.
Not strong enough to travel with little goat alone without my willpower slipping.
Not strong enough to face the family recipe cucumber dip without hovering over the bowl.
Not strong enough to pull the plug once grazing mode has kicked in.
Not strong enough to be the only one not eating dessert.
It is embarrassing to me how “not strong enough” I have been at this two day family reunion. I couldn’t even begin to track the damage.
I wasn’t strong this weekend. I made weak choices, and despite everyone commenting on how good I looked, I could not stop eating. And what’s worse is that there was that a large part of me didn’t want to stop.
The part of me that felt good in this two day binge is what scares me the most. I can’t fully define what role food fills in my life but I wasn’t able to quell that side of me.
I am not strong enough….
But it is my continued hope and prayer that there is a word missing from that sentence. It should read:
I am not strong enough….yet.
But someday I plan to be.
©2012 Prior Fat Girl. All Rights Reserved.
.
via Prior Fat Girl http://www.priorfatgirl.com/2012/08/not-strong-enough.html
No comments:
Post a Comment